I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
