remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
