Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
