My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
