My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
