You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
