They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
