apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
