I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
