Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
