my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
