brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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