I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think i got beer on your cat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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