He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
