They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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