So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
