after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
