sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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