Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize
