do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
