we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
