Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
