well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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