she pinky promised me she was 18
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
