I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
