No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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