just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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