I wannas sexs uuuuu
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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