got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
why is half of my head shaved?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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