why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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