I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
