I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
