im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
