Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
