if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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