ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I see more hoeing in ur future
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
