did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
