I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
