We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
