I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
