I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
