Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
