I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
