cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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