Don't you send me to vm
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
