just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
