i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
