Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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