dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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