you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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