if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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