Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
