I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
