Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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