And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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