So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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