broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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