I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
