I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
