ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
