2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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