don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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