yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
