i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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