I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
