I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
