I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
