I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
