the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
