i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we're making bets on your personal life
two words...techno handjob
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i drank out of a bidet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
