david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
