Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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