Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
